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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

June 15th.... nothing more...

I have a hard time explaining my life, "I look good". This is what I hear when people ask what's new & I hit them with the need for a transplant. Something tells me that if you are not plagued with a life threatening illness then you can not fully understand what we are going through. I eat, sleep & live around my heart.

My perception of the outside world is one in which major worries are getting their plants put in, taking the dog to the vet for grooming, or washing your car. All the things that used to be on my to do list. And now my list is to pick up meds & rearrange dr visits, never go far from home because the call could come in.

I need a new heart so that I can find the authentic being stuck inside this empty shell of what used to be me. I'm becoming selfish, self loathing & numb.The phone rings but it's never the call I yearn for. I hate to be disappointed because it's just you. Just you should be enough.

1 comment:

  1. It's always an endless parade of doctors, prescriptions, exams and tests. I've been going through "The doctor is on vacation, so we can schedule you until mid-July, or you can go to the ER and tell them that you need a prescription written." Ugh.

    Hang in there, Denise. "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Barbara Bloom.

    Your gold glistens in the sunlight, a brilliant beacon to all those who face a similar journey. And all of that gold has made you beautiful beyond measure, a priceless treasure that your family and friends cherish.